I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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