Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
