You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
