69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
