That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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