I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
