Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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