Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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