god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
