Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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