I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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