i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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