She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
