Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sobbing to NWA
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
