Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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