I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
