he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So squirting runs in the family.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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