i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
where are my eyebrows?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
