I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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