this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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