I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
