You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
