no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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