I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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