Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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