took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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