I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
