Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
