no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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