I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
