So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
