There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
