Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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