Your mouth is God's brothel.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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