Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
