I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
