That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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