Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
