If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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