Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
