Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
