so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
