is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
