Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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