as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
