She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
