No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
