Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
