we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
