it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
