there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
