i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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