All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
