she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
